Tired of the eye-rolls, excuses, and last-minute cramming? You\u2019re not alone\u2014and you\u2019re not a bad parent. In fact, your instincts to push, remind, or reward may be doing the opposite of what you hope.<\/p>\n
In this exclusive interview with Singapore-based mental toughness coach Gary Tong, you\u2019ll discover:<\/p>\n
\u2705 Why your teen actually avoids studying (spoiler: it\u2019s not laziness)
\n\u2705 The science-backed shift that boosts motivation without bribes or threats
\n\u2705 The power of giving teens control\u2014and how to do it without chaos
\n\u2705 Why short study sessions beat marathon ones (yes, even for PSLE or O-Levels!)
\n\u2705 How to reduce stress without lowering standards<\/p>\n
Plus: A behind-the-scenes look at how Gary helps Singaporean families transform tension into teamwork.<\/p>\n
\ud83e\udde0 Want your teen to study because they want to, not because they\u2019re told to?
\n\ud83d\udc49 Read the full article now \u2014 and reclaim peace at home.<\/p>\n
Sound familiar? You remind your teen to study, and they ignore you. You try rewards, but they only work short-term. You get frustrated, they get defensive, and before you know it, you’re caught in a never-ending battle. Many of us Singaporeans are panrets, including us in Ace Digital team. So we wanted to go to the bottom of this and get insights from experts in this field.<\/p>\n
But here\u2019s the truth: Nagging, bribing, and punishments don\u2019t create lasting motivation.
\nSo what does? We sat down with Gary Tong, a Certified Mental Toughness Coach, NLP Practitioner, and Psychology Expert with 15+ years of experience, to uncover science-backed strategies that actually work. As the author of Empowered Learning: Helping Your Teen Thrive in a Competitive World, Gary shares how to make your teen want to study\u2014without the daily struggle.<\/p>\n
The Problem: Many teens don\u2019t study because they don\u2019t see the point. They\u2019re stuck in the \u201cI study because my parents force me\u201d mindset.
\nThe Fix: Connect their studies to their personal goals. A 2022 Singapore Institute of Mental Health study found that students with intrinsic motivation perform 20\u201340% better than those studying purely due to pressure.<\/p>\n
“Instead of saying \u2018You have to study to get good grades,\u2019 ask, \u2018What kind of life do you want in the future?\u2019\u201d Gary suggests. \u201cWhen teens see how academics connect to their dreams\u2014whether it’s becoming a doctor, entrepreneur, or designer\u2014they start taking ownership of their learning.”<\/p>\n
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The Problem: Teens resist studying because they feel forced. When parents control every detail, it leads to rebellion, avoidance, or passive learning.
\nThe Fix: Let them decide when, where, and how they study. Studies show that students who feel in control of their learning are twice as likely to stay motivated.<\/p>\n
“Give them a say in their study schedule. Instead of dictating \u2018You must study now,\u2019 ask, \u2018What time do you think works best for you?\u2019\u201d Gary explains. “This small shift gives them a sense of ownership and reduces resistance.”<\/p>\n
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The Problem: Many parents only reward outcomes (e.g., top grades), which can lead to fear of failure and lack of motivation.
\nThe Fix: Praise effort and consistency instead of just A\u2019s. Research by Carol Dweck found that students who were praised for effort over intelligence performed 30% better in the long run.<\/p>\n
“Instead of saying \u2018You\u2019re so smart!\u2019 say \u2018I love how much effort you put into this assignment.\u2019 This builds resilience and long-term motivation,” Gary advises.<\/p>\n
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The Problem: Long, uninterrupted study sessions can feel overwhelming and ineffective.
\nThe Fix: Use the Pomodoro Technique:
\n\u2705 Study for 25 minutes \u2192 Take a 5-minute break \u2192 Repeat.
\n\u2705 Switch subjects to keep things fresh.
\n\u2705 Encourage active recall (self-quizzing instead of rereading notes).<\/p>\n
“Short, focused sessions are scientifically proven to increase concentration and retention,” Gary explains. “It feels easier for teens and improves productivity.”<\/p>\n
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The Problem: Parents worry that lowering pressure means lowering academic performance. But excessive pressure can actually backfire, leading to burnout and avoidance.
\nThe Fix: Keep high expectations but teach stress-management techniques:
\n\u2705 Deep breathing (2 minutes) \u2013 Reduces anxiety fast.
\n\u2705 Daily exercise \u2013 Boosts focus by 15%.
\n\u2705 Encourage breaks & social time \u2013 Prevents burnout.<\/p>\n
“You don\u2019t need to pressure your teen to succeed\u2014you need to equip them with the right tools,” Gary says.<\/p>\n
Teen motivation isn\u2019t about forcing them to study\u2014it\u2019s about helping them take ownership. When you connect learning to their goals, give them control, reward effort, use efficient study techniques, and support their well-being, they naturally become more engaged, disciplined, and motivated.<\/p>\n
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